A FriedReads Take About the Dumbest Thing I've Heard This Year

Trump Wants to Rename Lake Ontario to "Lake America" (I Can't Breathe) 🌊🇺🇸😭

A FriedReads Rant About the Dumbest Thing I've Heard This Year (And That's Saying Something)

August 2026

I need to tell you something.

I was sitting on my couch. Just a normal day. Scrolling through the news. The usual stuff. War in Iran. Economy in shambles. Tariffs. Sanctions. All the things that make you want to just... go back to bed.

And then I saw it.

"Trump wants to rename Lake Ontario to Lake America."

I stared at the screen. I blinked. I read it again.

I burst out laughing.

I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my coffee. I wasn't even drinking coffee. That's how hard I laughed.

I live near Lake Ontario. I've visited it many times. I've looked out over that water and thought about how beautiful it is, how big it is, how it's been there for thousands of years, long before any of us were born.

And some guy in Washington thinks he can just... change the name?

Like it's a software update. Like he's renaming a file on his computer.

I'm sorry. I just can't.

Let's Be Honest About What This Actually Is

This isn't about a lake. This is about something else entirely. Something bigger. Something dumber.

The trade talks between the U.S. and Canada collapsed on August 21. The U.S. made some 11th-hour demands that Canada considered an attack on its sovereignty. Canada walked away. The U.S. slapped 50% tariffs on about $20 billion worth of Canadian goods. Canada responded with dollar-for-dollar tariffs on 700 U.S. products.

And then Trump said: "We don't expect to be doing much business with Ontario any longer."

And then he decided to rename the lake.

I want you to think about that for a second. They're in a trade war. They're slapping tariffs on each other. Real people are going to get hurt. Real livelihoods are going to be affected. And someone in the room said, "You know what would really help this situation? A name change."

It's like a restaurant food fight where someone throws a ketchup packet and then tries to rename the chairs.

It's like a divorce where one person takes the house and the other person says "I'm taking the mailbox."

It's absurd. It's unserious. It's exactly what you'd expect from a man who treats geopolitics like a reality show.

The Reaction: Canada Is Laughing

I've seen the reactions from Canadians. I've seen the jokes. I've seen the memes. And you know what? They're right to laugh.

Prime Minister Mark Carney pointed out that the name "Ontario" comes from the Wendat word "Ontari'io," meaning "the lake is beautiful, the lake is big." It's more than 400 years old. It predates both the Confederation of Canada and the Declaration of Independence. It's been called Ontario for longer than there's been a United States.

The mayor of Kingston said the city's reaction is "just laughter." His exact words: "The best thing we can possibly do is just ignore the silliness."

The Grand Chief of the Wendat Nation said he's "outraged, appalled, shocked." He sees the name change as an attempt to "eradicate" their history. The Wendat people have been here for thousands of years. And some guy in Washington thinks he can just erase them with a signature.

Even New York Governor Kathy Hochul said "New York won't be calling it that." Vermont Governor Phil Scott called the move "petty and disappointing."

Even the Americans are embarrassed.

Imagine living in America and having to explain this to your neighbor.

"What's wrong with the U.S.?"

"Well, we're renaming a lake that belongs to Canada."

"Why?"

"Honestly? We don't even know. We're just all very confused."

But Here's the Thing: The Name Isn't Changing

I need to be clear about something.

The name isn't changing.

It's not going to change. It was never going to change. It will never change.

Trump signed an executive order. He directed the Department of the Interior to rename the lake. He sat in the Oval Office, seated beside a map with "Lake America" printed across the water, and he said, "We're gonna be changing the name of Lake Ontario, effective immediately, to Lake America."

And the world said: "No you're not."

Canada said "No you're not." New York said "No you're not." The Wendat Nation said "No you're not." And the United States itself is probably going to forget this ever happened by the time I finish writing this sentence.

The name is not changing. The lake is still Ontario. It will always be Ontario. My kids will call it Ontario. My grandkids will call it Ontario. And when they ask me what happened, I'll say: "A man tried to rename the lake. We didn't let him."

So Why Am I Writing This?

I'm writing this because the name isn't the point.

The point is what this says about America right now.

America is losing global favor. The war on Iran is floundering. Trump expected it to last "four to five weeks." Six months later, there's no end in sight. Oil prices are high. The economy is in shambles. ICE is running around killing protestors. The world is watching, and they're not impressed.

And Trump decides to pick a fight with Canada over a lake name.

This is the guy who says he wants to make America great again. And his strategy is to rename a lake while the world burns.

China is taking dub after dub. They're building infrastructure. They're making deals. They're winning global influence. And America is renaming lakes.

I'm not saying China is winning. I'm saying they're not the ones embarrassing themselves.

The 5D Chess Question

I want to believe there's a plan.

I want to believe this is some kind of 5D chess move. That Trump is playing a game no one else can see. That he's making some crazy move that no one expects, and we'll all look back and say "Oh, that's why he did that."

I hope that's true. I really do.

Because if it's not, if this is just what he does, then we're in trouble. All of us.

I've been critical of Trump in the past. I've criticized his war on Iran. I've said I stand with the Iranian people. I've watched oil prices go up and wondered when they'll come back down. I've watched the economy stumble and wondered if anyone in Washington even cares.

And now he's renaming lakes.

I'm not furious. I'm confused. I'm amused. I'm watching this unfold like it's a comedy show. A very expensive, very dangerous comedy show.

What is this guy thinking? Does he think this will help? Does he think Canadians will just accept this? Does he think the world will laugh with him, not at him?

I don't know. I really don't.

The Real Change: Canada Is Turning Away

Here's the thing that actually matters.

The name isn't changing. But something else is.

Canada is starting to hate America.

That's not hyperbole. That's the reality of what's happening. A relationship that's been stable for more than 200 years is being burned to the ground. Tariffs. Threats. Ridiculous name changes. The whole thing.

Polls show that 9 in 10 Canadians would vote no in a referendum on joining the United States. That's not a statistic. That's a statement. Canadians are looking at what's happening in America and thinking: "We don't want any part of that."

And the trade relationship? It's the most important economic connection either country has. $376 billion traded in the first half of 2026 alone. And Trump is treating it like a transactional negotiation. Like it doesn't matter. Like Canada is just another country to bully.

It's not. Canada has been America's ally, partner, and friend for longer than almost anyone alive can remember. And Trump is throwing that away. For what? A name change?

Once again, I don't get it. I really don't.

The Final Line

Trump tried to rename Lake Ontario. He failed.

But he also made Canadians hate America. That... that succeeded.

I'll still call it Ontario. Our kids will still call it Ontario. Our grandkids will still call it Ontario. The Wendat people will still call it Ontari'io. The mayor of Kingston will still ignore the silliness. The Governor of New York will still refuse to use the new name.

The lake is still Ontario. It will always be Ontario.

But America? America is becoming something else. And it's not something Canada wants to be friends with anymore.

That's the real tragedy. Not the name of a lake. The loss of a relationship.

But hey, at least I got a good laugh out of it.

🌊🇺🇸😭

Allen FriedReads.com | Still laughing. Still confused. Still calling it Lake Ontario. August 2026