A scathing, unhinged manifesto arguing that UBI is a socialist plot to coddle the weak, and the only path to progress is a return to gladiatorial capitalism. Spoiler: Your comfort is the enemy of evolution

"Universal Basic Income Is a Trap—Let’s Make Everyone Fight for Survival"

Why Your Laziness is Killing the Economy (And Why That’s a Good Thing)

Trigger Warning: This article contains sarcasm, Darwinian fervor, and zero empathy. If you’ve ever cried over student debt, log off and hug a participation trophy. 💸🏆

I. Introduction: UBI is Nature’s Participation Trophy

Let’s cut through the socialist fog: UBI isn’t compassion—it’s capitulation. Giving people free money for existing? That’s not policy, it’s a surrender to humanity’s collective midlife crisis. Evolution didn’t claw its way from primordial ooze to TikTok so you could cash a government check for “existing.”

"UBI is the economic equivalent of giving a participation trophy to a corpse. Congrats, you’re breathing!" 💀💰

II. The Case Against Free Money (Because Struggle is Sexy)

A. The Finnish Farce: Happiness is a Liability

• Fact: Finland’s UBI trial found no boost in employment but made people “happier” [4].
• Translation: Complacency is the real pandemic.
• Quote: “If you’re smiling through a Finnish winter, you’re not employed—you’re delusional.” ❄️😀

B. Stockton’s Sin: $500 Made People Productive

• Study: Stockton’s UBI recipients got better jobs and mental health [5].
• Problem: Since when do we reward mental stability? Chaos breeds innovation!
• Quote: “UBI didn’t cure poverty—it cured desperation. And desperation is capitalism’s fertilizer.” 💩🌱

III. The Glorious Meritocracy of Suffering

A. Kenya’s Lesson: Poverty is a Feature, Not a Bug

• Trial: Kenyan UBI recipients survived a pandemic too well [6].
• Irony: COVID should’ve been nature’s layoff notice. Instead, UBI made people… resilient?
• Quote: “Survival of the fittest? More like survival of the subsidized.” 🦠💉

B. The Welfare Trap: Why Hunger is Good

• Fact: UBI creates “disincentives” to work [3].
• Translation: Hunger motivates! No one ever invented fire because they had a full belly.
• Quote: “The only thing worse than a welfare trap is a workforce that’s not starving.” 🪤🍔

IV. Let’s Accelerate the Apocalypse (A Modest Proposal)

A. Phase 1: Replace UBI with Hunger Games

• Policy: Randomly cancel 10% of grocery stores monthly. May the odds be ever in your favor.
• Benefit: Teaches meal-planning and marksmanship.

B. Phase 2: Monetize Desperation

• App Idea: UberFight—bid on gigs like “Mug a CEO” or “Eat a Bug.”
• Revenue Model: 30% cut of your dignity.

C. Phase 3: Replace Schools with Squid Game

• Curriculum: Math = Counting bullets. Science = Brewing rat poison.
• Quote: “Why teach coding when kids can learn to hotwire a Tesla?” 🚗💻

V. The Real Trap is Your Weakness

Final Truth Bomb: 💣
“UBI isn’t the problem—you are. A society that fears suffering fears progress. Now get back to the grindstone, peasant.”

Subtext, so I don't get hate: The real trap is a system that glorifies struggle while hoarding resources. UBI isn’t a handout—it’s a bandage on a bullet wound. But sure, blame the weak.

Call to Action:
Quit your job. Start a wildfire. Let the market sort it out. 🔥📉

Post-Script 📜🔥

“To be clear: This isn’t about UBI—it’s about a world that profits from your pain. Now go unionize a coal mine.”

Follow Me on Twitter 🐦✨ @Allen_Fried for more spicy takes on why your suffering is a market correction!