Forced to read Othello in high school? Proof that some trauma leaves permanent trust issues and emotional scarring. This is the unfiltered, full-vengeance rant Shakespeare and every English teacher deserves.

Othell-No: Where “Talk To Your Wife” Would’ve Saved 70 Pages of Drama ⚔️😭📝

“If Othello had just sent a damn text, we could’ve skipped centuries of suffering. But thank you, Shakespeare, for pioneering weaponized confusion.”

I. Welcome to My Othelll Hell 🔥📚💀

Let me set the stage:
If you’ve ever wondered why teenagers rebel, why cafeteria chairs get thrown, or why a kid once set their TI-83 calculator on fire—🤯—the answer is simple:
They were reading Othello.

Yes, the so‑called “tragedy” by William Bringer of Eternal Pop Quizzes Shakespeare. The play that took my innocence, my GPA, and my remaining will to live—all in five acts of pure academic psychological warfare.

I didn’t crack open a “classic.”
I entered a literary torture chamber, where every scene was a dagger and every essay prompt was a public execution. 🩸🪓

And don’t get me started on the way teachers smile while assigning it. That smug grin:
“Write three pages on the handkerchief’s symbolism.”
Me: We’re at war now. ⚔️

🤬 My Internal Monologue While Reading:

• Act I: “Okay, cool, warriors, drama, maybe this won’t be so bad?”
• Act II: “Why is everyone talking in metaphors that sound like insult tweets written by raccoons??”
• Act III: “Othello… buddy… just… TALK. TO. YOUR. WIFE.” 🤦
• Act IV: “Iago is basically a Reddit troll with eyeliner and a feather quill.”
• Act V: “Oh good, everyone dies. Now I want to.” ☠️

🌪️ My Declaration of War Against Othell-No:

Othello didn’t just scar me—it baptized me in fire.
Every scene carved trust issues into my teenage soul like Shakespeare himself climbed out of a cemetery to whisper:

“Your pain is the point, mortal.”

Vengeance fuels me. Wrath keeps me warm.
This essay? 🔥 My unholy exorcism.
This rant? 😤 My revenge opera.
This markdown? 🎭 My poetic scream into the void.

Shakespeare wrote drama.
I’m writing curriculum war crimes charges at The Hague.

II. Why “Trust Issues” Was Basically Invented by Shakespeare 😡💔🕵️‍♂️

Let’s talk about Othello—aka The Walking Red Flag Parade 🚩🚩🚩.
This man can lead professional soldiers into brutal combat, craft cunning war strategies, and probably pack a tent in the middle of a thunderstorm—but ask his wife ONE clarifying question? 🤨
Impossible. Mythical. Beyond the scope of mere mortals.

Instead of just going,
“Hey Des, quick vibe check: do you still like me?” 💌
…he lets Iago—the Renaissance’s first-ever keyboard warrior without Wi-Fi—whisper full-blown fanfiction conspiracies directly into his ear.

🧠 Logical Breakdown of Othell-No’s Brain:

• Can detect a military ambush miles away with zero technology 🪖
• Can’t detect that his wife telling the truth is… telling the truth 🙃
• Believes one dude who looks like he hasn’t bathed since Elizabeth I was born 🧴🚫
• Doesn’t believe the literal angel who married him out of love 🪽💍

🤡 Shakespeare Wrote Him Like:

Othello: “Should I trust… my loyal wife… or the guy who straight-up looks like he’s plotting inside a Hot Topic?”
Audience: “CHOOSE YOUR WIFE, KING.” 👑
Othello: “Guess I’ll pick Hot Topic.”
Me: “Guess I’ll pick screaming into the abyss for the rest of my life.” 🌌💀

📱 If Othello Had Modern Tech:

• Desdemona DM: “Love you 💖”
• Othello: LEFT ON READ 👁️👄👁️
• Desdemona: “Here’s my location, proof, receipts, and our wedding pics.” 📸
• Othello: “Hmm… better double-check with the office rat whose skincare routine is 100% dust.” 🐀

Like—we invented therapy, group chats, marriage counseling, and he still would’ve skipped all of it to go full Ancient Jerry Springer with swords. ⚔️🪦

🔥 The Real Manipulation:

People say Iago is the manipulative one. FALSE.
The true mastermind is Shakespeare—convincing high school curricula everywhere that this slow-motion gaslighting disaster is “literature worth dissecting.” 🙃
It’s not profound—it’s a Renaissance version of “bro, don’t believe the rumor mill.”

If Othello lived today, his LinkedIn endorsements would be:

• ✅ “Getting Catfished by Obvious Liars”
• ✅ “Overreacting Without Receipts”
• ✅ “Toxic Jealousy: Premium Subscription, Auto-Renew”
• ✅ “Listening To That One Guy Nobody Likes At Work”

TL;DR 🔪

Shakespeare didn’t invent a tragedy—he invented toxic relationships, gaslighting, and trust issues.
Mac-betch made me hate ambition 🚀🪦, but Othello made me hate talking itself.
The play is basically:
📜 → “What if nobody ever asked a direct question?”
Me → “What if nobody ever assigned this play in the first place???” 😡🔥

III. 70 Pages of Drama—For One Missed Text 📱🐦💬

Here’s the thing: Othello is not a tragedy of love and fate—it’s a tragedy of bad Wi-Fi and caveman communication skills.
Seventy. Whole. Pages.
Entire forests worth of paper. 🌲📚 All shed and sacrificed—because one man couldn’t just ask:
“Babe, you good?”

👫 Modern Couple Starter Pack:

• Person A: “Hey, I heard a rumor you’re cheating?”
• Person B: “Lol no, where did you hear that?”
• Person A: “Random dude at work.”
• Person B: “Ok, well he’s obviously crusty and jealous.”
• Both: Order takeout. Live happily. The end. 🍕💞
  🎬 Roll credits. No sword fights required.

⚔️ Othel-No’s Step-by-Step Self-Destruction Speedrun:

1. 🕵️‍♂️ Receives handkerchief rumor
2. 🙃 Ignores wife (aka the only person who might’ve had clarity)
3. 🐀 Consults villain instead—because when has that ever gone wrong??
4. ⛷️ Spirals faster than a soap opera on speed
5. 🔪 Commits murder … because feelings are apparently illegal now
6. 😱 Realizes oops, she was innocent the whole time
7. 🎉 Congratulations! You played yourself.

Carrier Pigeons vs. Shakespeare:

• With Pigeons: “Yo babe, someone said you cheated. True?” 🕊️✍️
• Reply (2 days later, bird speed): “Nope, love you always.” 🕊️💖
• Problem solved. Roll quills back into the ink well. ✅

But noooo, Shakespeare had to drag us through five acts of Handkerchief Hell, just to flex his thesaurus powers. 🧾📖💢

💡 The Simple Math Equation of Misery:

🧣 (one ugly handkerchief)

• 🐍 (one drama goblin named Iago)
• 🙄 (zero husband/wife conversations)
  = 💀 (entire murder-suicide opera)

🔥 My Unfiltered Conclusion:

This wasn’t high art. This wasn’t grand tragedy.
This was the Elizabethan version of forgetting to charge your phone before date night. 📵😡

Had they possessed:

• Carrier pigeons 🕊️
• iMessage receipts ✅
• Bare minimum emotional intelligence 🧘
• Or even a badly spelled AIM away message 💻

…we could’ve wrapped this nonsense in Act II and I might still have brain cells to my name. 🧠💔

IV. English Curriculum: The Real Tragedy 🏫📉💀

Everyone talks about Othello’s tragedy like it’s some timeless cautionary tale.
NO. The real tragedy? Is me at 2 AM, hunched over looseleaf paper, force-feeding my brain symbolism it flat-out rejected like expired milk. 🥛❌

Every time I scribbled an essay about “manipulation,” I swear a banshee shrieked in my subconscious. 📣👻
Every time I tried citing “themes of jealousy,” my soul aged 10 years, and I heard Shakespeare laughing in iambic pentameter from the abyss. 🎭🕳️

🪦 Curse Upon the Curriculum Overlords:

To whichever powdered-wig academic decided Othello was “essential reading” for hormonal high-schoolers:

• May your shoes forever squeak in quiet hallways 👞🔊
• May every Lego on Earth align perfectly with your bare foot 🧱🦶
• May your Wi-Fi drop at 99% of every download 📡📉
  I don’t want revenge. I want curriculum reparations.

💡 What Teachers Should Have Said:

If they had told me the real lesson of Othello:

“Kids, look how bad communication DESTROYS lives. Use your words. Don’t be an idiot.”
I would’ve written them a freaking Hallmark thank-you card. 💌

Instead, I wrote, rewrote, and re-re-rewrote essays where every paragraph was essentially:
Jealousy bad. Manipulation bad. Why am I alive.

💀 Result: lost brain cells, loss of faith in humanity, gained permanent trust issues. Congrats, Shakespeare, you win. 🏆👎

📊 Mandatory Symbolism Scoreboard:

Because every teacher insisted “every object is deep” when really… it’s not.

📝 The True Theme of Othell-No:

“Oftentimes, your English teacher is gaslighting you harder than Iago.” 🐍📖
This wasn’t education. This was literary hazing.

And honestly? If the curriculum was really honest, the essay prompt would just say:
“Write three pages about how you suffered.”
Which—spoiler alert—I’m doing RIGHT NOW. 🔥👊

V. Hatred Interlude: The Only Thing More Manipulative Than Iago Was… SHAKESPEARE HIMSELF 🎭🔥⚔️

Let’s drop the masks. Let’s call a dagger a dagger. 🗡️
William Shakespeare was not a genius. He was not a saint of language.
He was an agent of chaos, a smug Elizabethan trickster sent to punish innocent teenagers for crimes we didn’t commit—armed with quills, Elizabethan thesaurus abuse, and the eternal curse of the pop quiz. 📚💀

💢 Rage Symphony, Verse 1:

“O, beware my lord, of jealousy.”
NO.
O, beware my lord, of being forced to read this flaming dumpster scroll of miscommunication. 🗑️🔥

“O, beware my lord, of tragedy.”
NO.
O, beware my GPA, of the three‑page analysis due tomorrow on why a napkin is actually Betrayal™. 💯💔

I have read cereal boxes ☑️, shampoo bottles ☑️, IKEA furniture manuals ☑️ that contained more wisdom than “trust a liar and kill your wife.” 💆🛋️✨

💢 Rage Symphony, Verse 2:

Why teach Othello?
Why trap freshman minds in this swamp of jealousy and stupidity, as though we’re mining nuggets of wisdom from a urinal? 🚽

• To humble us?
• To toughen us?
• To train us in the sacred arts of gaslighting, failure to communicate, and academic Stockholm Syndrome??

It feels less like literature and more like literary war crimes against every fifteen-year-old with acne and fragile self-esteem. 🏴‍☠️📖

💢 Rage Symphony, Verse 3:

This isn’t brilliance. It’s cruelty.
This isn’t timeless. It’s timeless torture.

Shakespeare was Iago with a bigger stage, and every single student for 400 years has been his Othello—naïve, clueless, manipulated, and destroyed by someone else’s plot device. 🧑‍🎓🪦

Highlighters drained. Essays rewritten. Souls shattered against the jagged rocks of Act III.
Do you feel that? That’s not “education.”
That’s generational psychological warfare.

⚖️ My Final Demand in This Interlude:

I want justice.
I want reparations.
I want William himself dragged back from the afterlife to read every essay, every tear-soaked paper written by teenagers, and feel the weight of his crimes. 🕳️👻✍️

Let him grade SAT prep tests for eternity.
Let him suffer awkward group projects for the rest of infinity.
Let him be quizzed on his own cryptic nonsense until he collapses sobbing in couplets.

Shakespeare was the real villain. Always has been. 🎭💀🔫

VI. Pure Wrath: Curriculum Crimes and Literary Warcrimes 🚩🔥📚

Find me ONE single human being—alive, dead, undead, reincarnated as a raccoon—whose life was improved by being forced to read Othello in high school.
You CAN’T.

If I see another essay prompt about “the theme of manipulation,” I am personally buying a carrier pigeon army, training them in sarcasm, and sending them to every English teacher’s desk with a scroll that just says:
WHY. 🕊️🖋️❓

📢 DEMANDS FROM THE ASYLUM:

• 🚫 BAN Othello from schools. Effective immediately.
• ✅ REPLACE with TikTok drama compilations or “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”—at least those people actually answer their phones. 📱👩‍👩‍👧
• 🖼️ If we MUST study tragedy, replace Othello with screenshots of group chats blowing up at 2 AM. Same themes. Less handwriting.
• 💸 I want damages. I want reparations. I want student loan forgiveness sponsored by William “Linguistic Menace” Shakespeare’s ghost.

👻 Justice Against the Bard:

Picture it: Shakespeare’s ghost, dragged kicking and screaming out of his scribe’s grave, confronted by 400 years of unpaid teenage trauma.
Each student lines up like furious spirits in detention.
Each essay is a dagger thrown at the Bard’s spectral head.
And there he stands, weeping ink, muttering:

“Perhaps Act V WAS a bit much.”

Good. Cry in Elizabethan, Bill. Cry in pentameter. 🖋️💀

⚔️ The Curriculum: An Active Crime Scene

Let’s call education what it is: curriculum crimes, literary war crimes, and psychological hazing disguised as ‘timeless wisdom.’
We have lived through generations of quote memorization waterboarding.
We have suffered thematic essay death marches.
We have watched GPA after GPA collapse on the altar of “Handkerchief = Betrayal.”

📱 Othello’s DM Inbox, 2025 Edition:

• You: “Hey Des, do you love me?” ❤️
• Desdemona: “Literally yes.” 💍
• Othello: leaves Desdemona on seen 👁️👄👁️
• Othello: “BETTER COMMIT A HOMICIDE.” 🔪
• Entire audience: bruhhhh. 😩

🚨 WRATH SUMMARY 🚨

Zero communication.
Zero sense.
Infinite headaches for high schoolers.

If schools truly cared about “themes” they’d stop weaponizing iambic pentameter and instead hand us therapy vouchers with the syllabus. 😡🧾
Ban Othello. Free the children. Salt the ground of the curriculum where it once stood.

VII. Closing Rant: Nonsense in the Name of Education 🤬📚🔥

Othello did not just ruin “trust.”
It ruined mirrors. 🚫🪞
It ruined relationships. 💔
It ruined the very word “jealousy,” dragging it down into the sewer of literary torture.

If this is what humanity calls “timeless literature,” then burn the clocks, shred the syllabi, and drag us mercifully back to the Dark Ages—we’ll take plague boils and dungeon chains over another Othello essay. 🕰️🔥🦠

This wasn’t tragedy.
This wasn’t beauty.
This wasn’t wisdom passed down through the centuries.

This was a glorified PSA about why therapy, screenshots, and shared Google Calendars exist. 🖥️📲🛋️

🥂 My Final To-asts:

• To every student forced to inhale this emotional asbestos of a play: I raise a glass to your pain. May your annotated editions be buried in consecrated rage. 🍷🩸
• To Shakespeare himself: You owe us—tuition waivers, ruined GPAs, shredded sanity, and lifetimes of therapy bills. Put it on your tab, Bill. 💀📜
• To Othello: Next time? TALK. TO. YOUR. WIFE. Or better yet, let a half-trained pigeon ghostwrite your marriage counseling sessions. 🕊️✍️

🌋 Final Theatrical Mic Drop:

I have no forgiveness left. 🩸
I have no reverence left. 🙅
All that remains is roasted ash and furious laughter. 🤣🔥💀

Othello was never our tragedy—it was the villain origin story for many. 🦹
And now, armed with wrath, emojis, and spite, I will spend eternity torching sacred literary cows 🔥🐄 so no student suffers alone again.

Dear curriculum: consider this my piece of vengeance. ⚔️
Dear classmates: consider this my gospel of vengeance. 📖
Dear Shakespeare: consider this…
…checkmate. ♟️🎭

Want to witness more sacred literary cows slaughtered on the altar of rage?
Follow me on Twitter 🐦✨ @Allen_Fried
and wallow in more glorious vengeance at Friedreads.com 🔥📚

Writing this was cheaper than therapy, more satisfying than burning my English folder, and definitely more honest than anything I ever wrote in ninth grade.
Here’s to trauma transformed into memes—one play, and one angry essay, at a time.